If you’re like me, you cringe any time you hear or see the acronym MLM.  If you are unfamiliar with that acronym, MLM stands for Multi-Level Marketing.  Basically these are people who make money off of others who join their network, basically your typical (mostly illegal) pyramid scheme.  Well guess what, these folks have gravitated to the world of online marketing and have discovered Twitter and just how to spam the living daylights out of us to get more people into their “network”.  Such is the case for today’s “Dear Twitter Follower”.

This Twitter Follower promises 90 Days to MLM Success and that you can “Make Your Own Magic”!   Whooopee!  Can I throw the confetti now, or after I hit the block button?

File this one under “Twitter Spammer”.  Dear Twitter Follower, please take your MLM crap somewhere other than the Twitter community, paaalease!

(Click to Enlarge Image)

Sometimes there are followers that show up on your Twitter list that are just plain weird or creepy! That’s the subject of this edition of Dear Twitter Follower. This follower is apparently on some sort of crusade to make sure that all of the Twitterverse knows that some resort in Cancun is just a ripoff. Trouble is, there’s no tweets telling us about why this resort is a ripoff, just a short bit in the biography. Not a single tweet, and just the default Twitter icon to go around, and that they are in Cancun. They have managed to acquire 15 followers though, which is either their own accounts or others who have their accounts set to auto follow followers.

Chalk this one up to “Just Plain Weird Twitter Follower”.

Dear Twitter Follower, at least give me a reason to follow you… a tweet perhaps? *crickets chirping*

(Click Image to Enlarge)

If you are an avid Twitter user, undoubtedly you’ve been pummeled by those unknowing Twitter users, or those knowing Twitter users who “think” they are being cool, who utilize Automatic Direct Message services to deliver you a message as soon as you follow the person. 95% of these direct messages generally are a message to “click my junk” whether its to download a “free” whitepaper, buy whatever crap they are selling, join them on Facebook or MySpace or just visit their blog, we all just know this as Twitter spam. What 95% of us do when we get Auto DM’s like that is unfollow that Twitter Follower.

However, Jason Falls has some other great insight I felt the need to share.

Click Image to Enlarge

For those browsing without pictures on his insight reads: “I’ve decided people with auto-responder DM’s are the social media equivalent of the grade school kid with head lice. Smile, but steer clear.”

File this under “Great Twitter Insight!”

While it’s been a month since we’ve presented any “Dear Twitter Follower” posts, trust me, there’s not been a shortage of Twitter Spammers or Social Media Faux Paus!

With that in mind, let me present to you the “I Follow Everyone Back” Twitter! Apparently this person just likes to write programs that automatically follows back everyone who follows them. Readily admits it too, in their tweets just take a look at the screen shot.  They also declares who their enemies are …. to me it sounds more like competition who’s beating them out?  Spammers hating on Spammers, isn’t that so sweet? Awwwh, I feel the love. <3

File this one under “Twitter Spammers” and “Idiotic Twitterer”

The next up in our wonderful line up of “Dear Twitter Follower” fun comes to us from half way around the world! A Twitter user from Philippines shared one of her recent followers with us here at Dear Twitter Follower. From the looks of it, we can certainly understand why this account won’t be followed.

This is probably one of the more common types of Twitter spammers. These spammers create accounts, with just 1 Tweet in the hopes that some unsuspecting new Twitterer, or someone desperate enough for more followers will, as its been dubbed, “Click My Junk” by clicking through to a link provided in just that one tweet. In this case the 1 Tweet Click My Junk Offender is offering Twitter users to acquire over 19,000 new followers in just 30 days! I don’t know about you, but it really sounds like one of those loud obnoxious car sales me screaming at me, how about you?

This one gets tossed into the Click My Junk & Spammer pile.

Dear Twitter Follower, Please have more than one tweet before you follow me and don’t let that tweet be a screaming car salesman-like tweet!

click image to enlarge

The next addition to our “Dear Twitter Follower” site makes no bones about what they do and what they are and that they are pretty much a spammer.  Granted “spammer” isn’t in their bio, but take a look at the description in the specially designed Twitter profile background.  With a image bio that reads ….

“I’m a 7 year black hat SEO expert, and have created over 10 information products - including automatic traffic hubs, we build squidoo lenses, Web 20 Builders, Automatic Blog Farms, Press Release Magic, Magic PopShop Profits, Triangle Marketing Videos, Poor Man’s Product Launch Secrets….” 

….makes you wonder if this person is for real?

Makes you also wonder what someone like that spam guy at Google would think of such an account and what they proclaim to do.  Apparently this account holder is not really interested in having a conversation on Twitter, just finding another site to game, since they obviously got bored with Google and Squidoo Lenes, they’ve moved on over to Twitter.

Chalk this one up to major Twitter Spammer.

Dear Twitter Follower, If all you do is proclaim how you can game the system, please do not think I’ll be following you back.

Our next contestant in the “Dear Twitter Follower” program to fall into the “Totally Clueless Twitterers” category is this photographer on Twitter, who insists on putting their full website URL at the end of almost every tweet they make. Tweets about the weather, tweets about scheduling work and even tweets about nightly entertainment are not safe from the full website URL pimp with this Twitterer.

To be fair, there are only 26 tweets, but looking looking at the amassed number of people this Twitter user is following, it really makes a person go “hmmm”??

Mark this one Totally Clueless & Verging on the Spammy Side of the Tracks.

Dear Twitter Follower,  I won’t follow you if you keep pimping your website URL when it doesn’t make sense too!

The very first totally idiotic and clueless Twitter Follower I’d like to share is one who wants you to “disregard any information posted” because its a “test” account.  Hmmmm wow, then why on earth FOLLOW anyone on Twitter if it’s just a “test” account?  Why post anything more than gibberish if you are instructing people who look at your profile (the people you’ve just followed on twitter) to disregard any information posted.

Clueless, Idiotic & Fail all rolled into one!

Dear Twitter Follower, if you want me to follow you, don’t instruct me to disregard your information!

click the image for a larger view

Welcome to “Dear Twitter Follower”.  You’ve just stumbled upon a fun and sarcastic blog dedicated to those people on Twitter and other social media sites who just “dont get it”.  After being on Twitter now for more than 2 years and seeing how its now infiltrated the mainstream - hey Oprah’s on Twitter now, next it will be your gramma! - along with the rest of social media, of course the spammers need to get in on the action!

This blog will be full of sarcastic humor and screen shots of Twitter users who spam, broadcast, generally don’t get it or are utterly clueless.  We’ll throw in some social media fauz pas from other sites as well to keep things interesting! However, names are withheld to protect the identities of the clueless.

This was all inspired after a few nights of sharing with my Twitter followers why I won’t follow someone on Twitter who follows me.  I’d start off each tweet with “Dear Twitter Follower” and explain why I wouldn’t follow that particular account.  Apparently my humor and my aggravation with these spammers and broadcasters struck a cord as my own tweets got retweeted, applauded, amen’d and boo yahs.  An thus…. Dear Twitter Follower is launched.

If you find a funny or just plain aggravating or clueless Twitter follower in your list of follower, have seen some social media marketing that just makes your head shake, send over a screen grab of the account to funnies -a-t- dear twitter follower dot com, we love to share!